Hey friends. Welcome back to the Birthing Bestie blog. Here on the blog, we talk about real things pertaining to pregnancy, birth, and postpartum parenthood. For my doulas, we talk about running a birth business, and here on the blog, we don’t shy away from talking about the hardships. Instead, we welcome and embrace you and those tough times with open arms.

I’m coming to you today from the comfort of my messy living room to deliver some tough love. This message is for the doulas, and while it may be an unpopular opinion, I’m going to say it while holding your hand: doulas — it doesn’t matter what you think.

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That’s right. When working with clients, one of the most important and sometimes most challenging parts of our job is setting our own opinions aside. Your role is not to lead the way with your personal experiences or preferences, but to support clients in their own journey. Here are three tips to help you stay grounded in client-centered care:

Tip #1: Stick to the facts. When clients come to you with questions or curiosities, your job is to provide evidence-based information and balanced insight — not your personal take. Help them understand their options, share what current research says, and guide them toward additional resources. Your experience is valid, but your client’s unique situation matters more.

Tip #2: Ask open-ended questions. Just like when clients are communicating with their care providers, doulas should also practice open-ended, non-directive communication. Instead of steering clients with suggestive phrasing, ask questions that allow them to explore their values and feelings. For example: “What feels most important to you about this decision?” or “How are you feeling about the options presented so far?”

Tip #3: Hold space, not sway. Clients will often ask what you think. And while it’s tempting to share your perspective, remember your most powerful role is to reflect, not redirect. If a client is confident and happy with their decision — even if you’d choose differently — let that be enough. Support their autonomy and remind yourself that this is their birth, not yours.

It can be hard to bite your tongue, especially when you’re passionate about birth or concerned about systemic practices. But doulas, our job is not to impose — it’s to empower.

So, doulas, here’s your gentle reminder: take a step back, trust your clients, and give them a big metaphorical hug of support. You’ve got this.

Alright, doulas, since I gave you my unpopular opinion. I want the tough love back. Tell me what your unpopular opinion is about this work that we do day in and day out. I’d love to hear from you. You can always slide into my DMs @ebbirthing on Instagram or reach out to me by email at ebbirthing@gmail.com.

Until next time, doulas.